一个失望的圣诞节

xmas should be warm and happy but my xmas was disappointment. the week before xmas, he ask me wat i wan to eat for a good xmas meal, i told him & we did plan to go and have tis good meal which i'm really looking very forward to it..but who knows everything change when tat woman say she wanted to have a japanese buffet at great world city. he changed his plan and never care about our plan...the day comes, i did went for the buffet with them as he say we will dabao the chilli crab (which i wanted in the 1st place) on sunday..so i happily went to eat with them..sunday comes, its yet another disappointment, she ask him out and of coz he forget all tat he say..if she's so important & he only cares about wat she wans, y still wanted to ask me wat i wanted to eat?? i hate tis kind of feeling....

all tis shows again tat he doesnt care/love me anymore, all the while i'm being stupid & naive to think tat 1 day he will come back and we will be able to stay happily ever after..guess tis is my one sided wishful thinking/dream..its time i really let go everything and stop tolerating myself..its going to be very pain and lots of heartache, & i dun know when the pain will be gone but i guess tis is the only way out now....*sob sob* 

Xmas 2009

time flies. it's going to be christmas again..tis year, although i'm going to have a nice christmas dinner but still can't help worrying about my mum's operation which falls on xmas eve. it's a minor operation on her hand and i got to leave her alone at home when i'm going to my dinner..feeling quite guilty actually..:P but i think she should be alright at home, since it's juz a small operation..most importantly, i'm going to have my xmas hokkaido feast (with crabs, sashimi, sushi, deserts......)...looking forward to it...:P:P

shopping spree day

went for a shopping spree during my super long long weekend, bought so many things, burnt a hole in my pocket. but we r happy...i finally bought myself a coach bag. oso bought skincare products, shoes, a pooh bear for baobei, some clothes..saw a armani jeans for kids, its so nice, had a urge to buy for baobei but after some serious tot, i gave up the idea, coz its super ex....we oso took some pics with the xmas deco tis year at orchard, although its without the lightings but baobei still had great fun posting..here's the pics....

our 1st studio shoot together

2 dec 09, we went for our 1st studio shoot together, although its not my 1st but with my baobei, tats the 1st ever..we had great time and fun during the shoot. luckily baobei still willing to post in front of the camera, maybe its oso her 1st time, so some shoots looks quite stiff. but still its a fun experience for both of us..she's nw asking me when r we gg to take again. hehe..here's some pics to share.......

Phoebe is 5 years old liao...

Today is baobei Phoebe's birthday, booked a party at Mcdonald's..we had a great time..Thanks for all who attended and all the presents. Here are some pics taken during the party to share....HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHOEBE!!!

Cousin Serene's Wedding

Yesterday we attended my cousin's wedding. we all had a great time, food there was alright but the service is bad bad bad...restaurant name, i dun mention liao lah...its located at yishun..well, but we still take a few nice pics to share...:)

long long weekend

7 more days to my super long weekend. 27 Nov to 3 Dec (PH, sat, sun & 4 days of leave). Thanks to Phoebe's childcare (close for renovation) tat i have a chance to rest & relax. Hmmmm, have some programmes planned for these few days.

1st, 27 Nov, yes, its my darling's Phoebe 5 years old birthday party, celebrating at McDonald's tis year, & thanks to all who will be attending.
2nd, 28 Nov, its his birthday, probably will juz treat him to a nice lunch/dinner.
3rd, 30 Nov, will be a shopping day for us. Planned to go on a shopping spree with Phoebe & her godma. (so looking forward to tis)
4th, 1 Dec, bringing Phoebe to the zoo. Tis will be our second time to the zoo. Hope we will have fun since we miss the shows the last time we went, tis time, we must watch all of it. haha
5th, 2 Dec, a studio photo shoot for us (but i have yet to confirm the studio) but most probably will be the one at bishan (they got quite a good package).

29 Nov & 3 Dec will be a rest at home day for us. till then i have to clear my work before my super long weekend......

2009 is ending soon...

time flies, my last blog was in the beginning of year 2009, now I'm writing again in the nearly ending of 2009. so many months have pass but things still dun seem on the right track. although i have a job now (in fact, change a 2nd job since my retrenchment last year), move to a new place but came to realise that it won't be a happy ending either. hope to be happy but always ended up in tears. make up my mind to leave him and slowly forget all about him, forget all about us after i buy a flat this year but got a bad news from HDB that I'm not able to get a loan now, which means I'm not able to leave, i will still have to live in misery for the moment. 2009 is a bad year for me, will 2010 be better?? i really wonder.......

Sadness

One month has passed for 2009. Everything wasn't going well. First, got retrenched. Then came the debts. Even the one i love seems to be so far from me. I'm started to feel very very scared. Very scared that there's more unpleasant things to come. I'm scared to lose some more things. I tremble with fear, i lost sleep and even had to cry myself to sleep. My heart beats so fast that it almost jumps out of my mouth. For all the things that happen, it was like so fast. One thing after another, hurts & fears came so fast, without warning. i'm totally lost & scared. i dun know what i should do, which way to go, which plan to follow. Right now, i really wish i could run away from everything & everyone. When will these ever end??

Meaning Story

這個男孩太傻，為了一個不愛自己的人付出那麼多！....

現在應該很少這種人嚕..若他就在你身邊的話..記得珍惜他..
曾在女孩的記憶中，有那麼一個人。

「我現在喜歡的人，就是我前面的這位啦！」男孩大聲的說著，指著走在他前頭的女孩。

「神經病！」女孩嘀咕著，快速走開那群跟著起鬨的人群，只當男孩拿她開玩笑。

直到某一天，女孩收到了一封信。


『我是真的喜歡妳！我可以為妳做任何事，只要妳喜欢，我都會去做。
一封信就這樣，沒有署名，短短幾句話，但女孩卻知道是男孩寫的。
『那你能現在跳到馬路中央嗎？ 』
女孩在信紙背面寫上這句話，託人交給男孩。


「我能！妳看著。」男孩看了內容，當著她的面衝進馬路中央。

只聽見震聾欲耳的喇叭聲、刺耳的煞車聲、巨大的碰撞聲，以及映入女孩眼簾倒在血泊中的男孩。

「我真的能為妳做任何事．．．．．．」男孩的話救護車高亢的呼聲中，依舊清楚的傳入女孩耳中。

「是你們家的女兒要我們家的孩子衝進馬路中被車撞的！」
「胡說！明明是你們家的兒子自己衝進去的！」

「什麼胡說！他同學說的你們不是也聽見了嗎？我們家的孩子是看了你們女兒的信才衝進去的！」
「真的是這樣嗎？」女孩的母親回頭看著女孩。

「嗯。」女孩點了頭，淚水也在她低下頭的瞬間，滴上了那張寫著男孩與她的字的信紙，似乎也企圖抹殺掉發生的事實。
「你看吧！你們要怎麼賠我兒子的人生！他再也不能打籃球了．．．．．．」男孩的母親歇斯底里的大喊，哭倒在醫院冷硬的地板上。
「這．．．．．．」女孩的父母無言。

「我要你們的女兒陪著我的兒子，直到他再也不需要她的時候，這是你們女兒欠我們的！」男孩的父親說。

「不行！她不愛你兒子啊！你不能那麼自私！」女孩的母親不捨女孩受這種罪。

「好，我會陪著他。」在眾人驚訝的目光中，女孩答應了。


-------------------------兩年後------------------------


在公園的躺椅上，男孩和女孩靜靜的坐著，輕柔的風撫過他們疲憊的心。
「為什麼喜歡我？」女孩開口了。

「能選擇要不要喜歡上一個人或愛上一個人嗎？喜歡上了，愛上了，就是了。」男孩淡淡的說。

「如果有 一天我有喜歡的人了，你會放我走嗎？」女孩說。

「我從來沒有綁住過妳，是妳自己不放自己走的。」男孩說。
沒有交談了，只有風吹動落葉的颯颯聲。

男孩說對了，兩年前在他醒來後，他就解除了約定，但女孩始終將自己綁在男孩身邊，她愧疚，因為她的一句玩笑話，毀了男孩的夢，男孩再也不能打籃球了。

-------------------------------------------------------

然而故事卻不會永遠都是好結局，女孩的心給了另一個人，沒有給肯為她付出一切的男孩。


「你為什麼當初要聽我的話！你怎麼那麼笨！」女孩跪倒在地上哭泣。

「我．．．．．．只是愛妳。」男孩說，伸手想將女孩扶起。
「我不要你的愛！」女孩甩開男孩的手。


「你的愛太強烈，害慘了我，你知不知道啊！你知不知道啊！ 」女孩歇斯底里的哭喊著。
「我．．．．．．」男孩說不出話來。


「為什麼是我！為什麼是我！你為什要愛上我！我討厭你這樣！我討厭！討厭！」女孩用盡所有力氣大聲嘶吼，轉身跑了出去。

女孩的愧疚太深，她沒辦法打開心結，她因為責任而留在男孩身邊，直到她喜歡上別人了，她再也不能忍受不能和喜歡的人在一起的日子，所以她崩潰了，然而也傷了男孩的心。

女孩使勁的跑，用力的跑，淚水模糊她的視線，心中的煩亂讓她沒看對她迎面駛來的卡車．．．．．．
「小心！」伴隨著警告，有人推開了她。

熟悉的碰撞聲響起，再一次，女孩回頭看，再一次的看見倒在殷紅的血泊中。

「我真的能為妳做任何事．．．．．．」男孩說，嘔出一口血，昏了過去。

「不要！」女孩受不 了再一次的刺激，她尖叫，使盡所有力氣的尖叫。

「太遲了，肋骨插進內臟，內出血止不住，沒救了。」
「那麼年輕就．．．．．．難道真的沒辦法了嗎？」

醫院裡的人議論紛紛，句句傳入女孩的耳中，她的淚水決提，濕了她的襯衫。


如果她當初能理智一點就不會發生了，如果男孩不要愛上她就好了，她哭，哭的歇斯底里，因為這次男孩真的要離開她了，他現在只能等待死亡。

「我想妳應該進去看他．．．．．．」男孩的父親說，他的悲痛清楚的寫在臉上。

「好．．．．．．」女孩語不成聲，她只能不停的流淚。
女孩進了病房，見到男孩蒼白的臉，她淚水流的更兇。
「不要哭．．．．．．」男孩心疼的舉手擦拭女孩的淚。
「你好傻．．．．．．」女孩哭個不停。

「或許吧 ．．．．．．這個給妳．．．．．．」男孩張開緊握的手，一封沾了血的信。


「這是最後一封了，好好的看好嗎？」男孩說，眼角留下一滴淚。


「好．．．．．．」女孩接下那封信，清澈的淚水滴在信封上，混著暗紅乾涸的血。
「我真的能為妳做任何事．．．．．．」


這是男孩的最後一句話，他再也不能待在女孩身邊，他走了，女孩昏了過去。

『給最愛的妳：

愛上妳，多半是痛苦，我知道妳的心永遠不會交給我，可是我還是好愛好愛
妳．．．．．．

當初如果知道我的行為會讓妳無法自由的飛，我不會去做。
妳知道嗎？只要妳高興，我真的能為妳做任何事。

我知道當妳看這封信時，妳已經有喜歡的人了，放自己自由好嗎？

不要在強迫自己留在我身邊，我希望妳能活的快乐。

不要問我為什麼那麼傻。

能選擇要不要喜歡上一個人或愛上一個人嗎？喜歡上了，愛上了，就是了。

我會一直守護著妳，因為妳是我最愛的人，我真的能為妳做任何事，不管過了多少年，我都不曾改變。』


女孩收起了信，她的淚水已經不再流下，男孩離開她已經五年了，五年的時光也讓她從一個年輕的女孩蛻變為成熟的女人。

女孩的命，是男孩救的，但女孩的心，自始自終都不曾落在男孩身上。

『能選擇要不要喜歡上一個人或愛上一個人嗎？喜歡上了，愛上了，就是了。』

在蔚藍的天空裡，風裡似乎帶來男孩的低語。

女孩不能選擇，男孩也不能選擇，谁都不能選擇。